love despite unlove

Sometimes love is overwhelming.  I realize today was (I can say was because the day is almost done) Valentine's day, a day set aside for love...but I mean love in a way that I cannot really say or do the way I want to.  I mean love that makes me broken when its object is apart from me.  Love that contents my soul.  Love that has endured since the day I was made.  Love that forgives me instantly when I do something stupid and get too embarrassed to bring it up until its too late.  Love that confides in me when he won't confide in others.  Love that screams "Can I talk to Aunty M pleeeeeeaase!!" when I'm on the phone.  Love that trusts me to come home.  Love that asks God to protect me when I'm away.  Love that endures my imperfections everyday without complaint.  I mean love that breaks the limits of human rule.  Love that eats Hallmark cards for breakfast.  Love that is disciplined and active.  I mean agape.

C.S. Lewis said about love:  “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”


So love.  Don't just feel love; do love, be love, act love, live love.  Don't embalm your heart.  


I find myself lost in a quest for knowledge and reason and truth; and in those moment of wandering in the dark, reaching to the unknown, my hands are always found by my Love.  And he brings me water when I thirst and food when I hunger, and help when I'm weak and humility when I'm strong, and by this he Loves me.  And it takes me over, and I am lost in it but I am found in it.  And he Loves me.  And my life is not without pain but it is without stain because he Loves me.  I am saved because he Loves me despite. despite. despite my unlove.  He Loves me.  And so I Love.


yours, truly Yours,
Micaela